Oscar Wilde advised that if we wanted children to be good we first needed to make them happy. In this simply written, yet sophisticated book Bo Hejlskov Elven and Tina Wiman invite us to understand the child's perspective through understanding our own part in it. Clear narrative and powerful vignettes combine to illustrate a range of gentle strategies to prevent or deal with conflict and confrontation that will appeal to parents and teachers alike. -- Richard Mills, Research Autism and University of Bath Sulky, Rowdy, Rude? Yet again Bo Hejlskov Elven and his colleague Tina Wiman have produced a wonderfully reflective book for families to help them focus on the behaviour of their child. In my view this book can also be read by frontline carers and other professionals working with children. There are a series of easy to read chapters which focus on how to understand the behaviour of young children and the low arousal approach permeates the entire book. In a user friendly way there are many themes that focus on how we perceive behaviours. Chapters include: 'Children behave well if they can' and my personal favourite 'conflicts consist of solutions'. The authors tailor the book well to their main audience. I would recommend this book widely. -- Andrew McDonnell, Ph.D., CEO Studio3, Clinical Psychologist, and Visiting Professor of Autism Studies at Birmingham City University, UK