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Shame

Free Yourself, Find Joy and Build True Self Esteem

By (author) Dr Joseph Burgo
Format: Paperback / softback
Publisher: Watkins Media, London, United Kingdom
Imprint: Watkins Publishing
Published: 6th Dec 2018
Dimensions: w 149mm h 228mm d 31mm
Weight: 445g
ISBN-10: 1786782588
ISBN-13: 9781786782588
Barcode No: 9781786782588
Synopsis
Human beings everywhere, in every culture and on every continent in the world over, experience shame in exactly the same way: gaze aversion, brief mental confusion, and a longing to disappear, usually accompanied by blushing of the face, neck, or chest. What scientists understand and believe about shame differs broadly from the way a layperson conceives of it. Most people tend to view shame as something big and bad, a toxic emotion we hope never to feel. In contrast researchers who study the emotions, conceive of shame as more varied in nature and not always so imposing. This book will introduce you to the entire shame family of emotions (including embarrassment, guilt, and self-consciousness), which are unavoidable aspects of everyday life and not always toxic. Richly illustrated with clinical stories from Burgo's 35 years in private practice Shameis an intimate look at the full spectrum of shame-often masked by addiction, promiscuity, perfectionism, self-loathing, or narcissism-that offers a new, positive route forward. Burgo argues that listening and learning from our encouters with shame will go further than affirmations and positive self-talk in helping us to build authentic self-esteem. His is a deeply empowering message, and one that brings hope and results.

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What Reviewers Are Saying

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Mar 26th, 05:16
I found this book to be unlike other books that I generally read.
Average - 5 out of 10
Our emotions are very powerful things. On any given day we will feel a wide range of emotions from embarrassment to unabashed joy. Appropriately, we desire to feel joy more often than embarrassment, however, emotions such as embarrassment, guilt, and feelings of inadequacies still infiltrate our lives.
While many people believe that Shame is a singular emotion, however, several emotions can be classified as being in the shame family. In this book, Dr. Joseph Burgo will highlight the differences between destructive, toxic shame and beneficial shame that helps to build character and self-esteem.
We always try to avoid shame. It makes us uncomfortable and sad. Dr. Burgo launches his book by describing the differences between shame and SHAME; shame that’s hurtful and shame that is helpful. I found this section of the book to be a pretty basic introduction to help readers approach the book by wading in. I was not surprised to read that embarrassment and guilt are a part of the shame family. Nor was I surprised that when we feel these emotions we exhibit outward signs that mirror each other, thereby linking these emotions.
Dr. Burgo than proceeds to explain different forms of shame and how some may be beneficial while others may be destructive. He also uses case studies to further his point and to allow his readers to connect to his argument.
I found this book to be unlike other books that I generally read. At times I found myself lacking interest in what he was saying, and the repetitive nature somewhat irksome. At other times is was extremely intriguing. Because of these differing thoughts, I gave this novel five out of ten stars. I would recommend this novel to anyone who is seeking ways to improve their self-esteem.
I received my copy of this novel from Books Etc. For the sole purpose of providing an honest review and the image above is my own.
Mar 26th, 05:15
I found this book to be unlike other books that I generally read.
Average - 5 out of 10
Our emotions are very powerful things. On any given day we will feel a wide range of emotions from embarrassment to unabashed joy. Appropriately, we desire to feel joy more often than embarrassment, however, emotions such as embarrassment, guilt, and feelings of inadequacies still infiltrate our lives.
While many people believe that Shame is a singular emotion, however, several emotions can be classified as being in the shame family. In this book, Dr. Joseph Burgo will highlight the differences between destructive, toxic shame and beneficial shame that helps to build character and self-esteem.
We always try to avoid shame. It makes us uncomfortable and sad. Dr. Burgo launches his book by describing the differences between shame and SHAME; shame that’s hurtful and shame that is helpful. I found this section of the book to be a pretty basic introduction to help readers approach the book by wading in. I was not surprised to read that embarrassment and guilt are a part of the shame family. Nor was I surprised that when we feel these emotions we exhibit outward signs that mirror each other, thereby linking these emotions.
Dr. Burgo than proceeds to explain different forms of shame and how some may be beneficial while others may be destructive. He also uses case studies to further his point and to allow his readers to connect to his argument.
I found this book to be unlike other books that I generally read. At times I found myself lacking interest in what he was saying, and the repetitive nature somewhat irksome. At other times is was extremely intriguing. Because of these differing thoughts, I gave this novel five out of ten stars. I would recommend this novel to anyone who is seeking ways to improve their self-esteem.
I received my copy of this novel from Books Etc. For the sole purpose of providing an honest review and the image above is my own.
Feb 4th, 13:14
A non preachy self help book looking at the causes of Shame
Average - 7 out of 10
So what do we think of when we consider the word shame? It's negative right? We bandy around phrases such as "Shame on you!" or "What a shame" when things go wrong or disappoint us.
In this book we consider the causes of shame those "familiar situations that typically arouse one or more of the emotions in the shame family - self consciousness, embarrassment, humiliation and guilt".
The book looks at a number of case studies which can all be linked to a core feeling of shame. When reading these stories you can't help but think of Philip Larkin's famous quote "They F*** You Up Your Mum and Dad". Even as babies we are pre-programmed to act in a certain way to elicit love and positive response from our parents. Once we are toddlers this unending adoration has to be tempered with a slight withdrawal so we start to learn about appropriate behaviour.
What happens though if your parents are so self absorbed that they barely notice you or if you suffer from physical/mental abuse as a child? In all likelihood you will feel an inbuilt sense of shame.
On a lesser level though we all experience shame at varying degrees. Who hasn't declared their love to find it's unreciprocated or had an unfortunate case of wind at an inappropriate time? The key is in how we react to these events.
As summarised by the author "shame and self esteem are not opposites. For some of us realistic growth toward pride depends upon respecting the limitations imposed by core shame; for everyone it means listening to and learning from shame when it says we have disappointed our healthy expectation for the person we'd like to be"
I'm not personally lacking in self esteem or shrouded by shame but can appreciate the no nonsense approach in this book. There are a number of exercises which encourage the readers to examine past events, their reactions and others' feelings when thinking of "shameful" events. It has a gentle, non judgemental tone to it and is very readable.
For anyone who has got issues related to these kind of feelings it would be a shame to miss it!
Newspapers & Magazines
"Joseph Burgo's Shame makes a convincing case for thinking of shame as a whole "family of emotions" that we need to get to grips with if we are to live meaningful and fulfilled lives. His is the best kind of self-help book: wearing its considerable scholarship lightly, it is sensible and measured, and is clearly based on years of thought and clinical experience. Above all, it is helpful."--Joe Moran, author of Shrinking Violets: The Secret Life of Shyness


"An essential read for anyone who suffers from shame and self criticism. This book can help transform the way you see yourself and the world."
--Shannon Kaiser best selling author of The Self-Love Experiment and Adventures for Your Soul

"A powerful examination of a painful emotion. Based on his wide experience as a psychotherapist, Burgo analyzes several types of shame and gives examples of working through it. It's filled with hope and ways to weather the storm of shame and actually grow from it. It will help everyone, from those who experience occasional shame attacks to those with chronic shame. I was particularly encouraged to see the emphasis on self-esteem as something you learn from your own success, rather than something others can give you. Working with today's parents, I couldn't agree more."

--Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Author of 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life


"Dr. Burgo wants us to stop being ashamed of feeling Shame! His new book illuminates the concept of shame as a normal part of life that can be instructive, instead of toxic. Shame is an ubiquitous emotion that must be recognized and understood, not denied and buried. Dr. Burgo shares personal experiences and his work with his patients to describe how shame can crush self-esteem and intensify anxiety. This book describes exercises that can help you overcome the harmful manifestations of experiencing shame and can provide ways to use the emotion to build and share self-pride."

--Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D. author of I Hate You, Don't Leave Me


"Joseph Burgo has written the guidebook that will help you take the shame out of shame. A thoughtful educator, he takes the conversation of shame to the next level. Reminding us that shame is an inevitable part of being human, he also shows us that shame can play a vital role on the to road to self-esteem."

-- Tama Kieves, best-selling author of Thriving Through Uncertainty: Moving Beyond Fear of the Unknown and Making Change Work for You


"Shame delivers on an unanswered prayer for so many who suffer silently. The distinctions and layers of discovery about human identity is a godsend. This book takes you deeper to understanding not only yourself, but the make up of family and workplace dynamics where shame is dispensed and consumed to a fault. Read this to shed the burden of shame and be free!"

-- Laura Berman Fortgang, author of Now What?: 90 Days to a New Life Direction

"Dr. Joseph Burgo has written a powerful book which will be a boon to readers everywhere. Drawing on cutting-edge research and thirty-five years of experience as a therapist, he carefully builds a case for why we need to move away from seeing shame as a single and toxic emotion and, instead, understand it as a complex of emotions which, counterintuitively, can help us embrace our true selves and experience greater joy in living. Burgo is a fine storyteller with great empathy, and the stories of patients (and, yes, his own) vividly demonstrate how facing shame is the well-spring of true respect and pride in the self. His argument is by the far the most cogent in explaining why the notion of self-esteem being founded in constant praise and lack of criticism is both wrong-headed and ultimately destructive. Step by step, Burgo shows us both how to give voice to the feelings of shame that have been holding us back and to bolster our ability to identify what we're feeling with precision. On every page, but especially in the unique exercises at the end, Shame encourages us again and again to look not just at what shames us but why it does and to face both squarely. It's a book I will recommend to my readers without a single reservation. "
--Peg Streep, author of Daughter Detox


"With the skill of a master storyteller, Burgo vividly brings to life, through his clients' struggles and his own, our shared journey to accept a startling truth: shame can either hobble us or help us thrive; it all depends on what we do with it. Savor this book's lessons and exercises. You'll come away with the kind of self-compassion that makes us all better people. "

-- Dr. Craig Malkin, Lecturer, Harvard Medical School and author of the internationally acclaimed book, Rethinking Narcissism